Informationoverlord

I do like to start the day with a bit of spam. I have someting VERY important to tell Jessy too.

HELLO
my name is Jessy!
please how are you! hope you are fine and in perfect condition of health.I
went through your email to day i read it and took
intersest in it,please if you don’t mind i will like you to write me on this
email(jessylovekimudi@yahoo.com) i hope to hear from you soon,and I will be
waiting for your mail,because i have
something VERY important to tell you. Lots of love
no mater the distance or colour what maters is love so let share love
together

This one goes out to my good friends Coesee coetsee.seo@gmail.com ; abass abass.seo@gmail.com ; henrylow henrylow.seo@gmail.com and others who seem to like leaving endless spam comments on my blog plugging onlineuniversalwork.com – There, look. I’ve just given you free publicity in a blog post. You won.

And to show just how much you mean to me , I have written this poem to you based on your insightful comments.

Affiliate Marketing is a performance based sales technique,
I know just reading those words makes my knees go weak.
Used by companies to expand their reach into the internet at low costs,
And left as spam comments by onlineuniversalwork toss-pots

This commission based program allows affiliate marketers to place ads,
So you can learn how to spam like their moms and their dads.
On their websites or other advertising efforts such as email distribution,
we will all say ‘praise be’ for your endless spam contributions.
In exchange for payment of a small commission when a sale results,
we can all be like you, a bunch of annoying spam cunts.

Apparently the nature of my name is “like a person worthy of confidence and the reputation ” Oh you flatter me, Hadja chiwe Diallo. If it wasn’t for that bit, you’d have had me; but you can only take believability so far, so I’m going to have to decline you kind offer and keep my telecopier to myself.

Hello Mister.

I make a point of applying by this means for your co-operation to ensure the d’ possibility; to invest and make businesses with you in your country, j’ received your contact in the chamber of commerce and d’ industry of Ghana. I request and selected your name between d’ other names because of its nature like a person worthy of confidence and the reputation which I can make of the businesses with and by the recommendation, I n’ would not hesitate to entrust to you for these simple and sincere businesses. I am Hadja chiwe Diallo l’ marry of Mr. Ibrahima Diallo, l’ former minister of l’ Hotel trade and of l’ craft industry; (Guinea Conakry), I currently reside at Ghana, as an applicant d’ asylum, and the right to Ghana, does not allow the applicants d’ asylum to open an account because of political problems in Guinea Conakry is impossible for me and my family to be invested in Ghana C’ is why j’ decided to finally contact to invest you in your country. My late husband, Mr. Ibr!

ahima Diallo deposited l’ money in a company of international safety in Dubai before her death. After the death of my husband d’ a political crisis which has occurred in the country, I m’ fly away out of my country with (my family) in Ghana, in the tragic circumstances which cause the death of my husband, I am sick to find me state of coma. more than two years, my children were in a difficult situation, the suffering in Coast d’ Ivory in an adjoining country where they asked l’ asylum as, now as j’ found my health, I contacted them and I do not let know to them that I want to invest l’ money which my husband deposited in DUBAI I am a mother of four children, three boys and a girl whom I make a point of mentioning that well before I time that you know and who opens a friendship and discussed finally, that confidence between us will begin I think that you are a good Moslem, man and persons in charge, when you to forward me your answer, I would like to send my children in your!

country, then they to finally will speak you in the way d’ to!

invest

l’ money. S’ you like it, I want that you take care d’ well; them also, because c’ is as from this moment, I want to know how you are ready with m’ to help, as I will make the transfer of this money by the company of safety. Dear Sir, J’ need you to forward me your address, number of telecopier name, first name and phone number, I unite finally you and d’ in discussing honestly, j’ await your answer, thank you to contact me with l’ email to add… chiweconte@gmail.com) Même above if you n’ do not be interested, I will be very grateful if you maintain the confidentiality of this business. Cordially

Hadja chiwe Diallo.

You, my regular reader, will no doubt have realised what a genius I am by now … or a genuine arse perhaps … but I think my true essence may have been captured by this new comment that was – for some strange reason – flagged as spam:

“A wonderful article…. In my life, I have never seen a man be so selfless in helping others around him to get along and get working. I feel good that there are people like you too. Thanks for this great weblog of yours. Its surely going to get me to go to higher places!”

I have often thought that reading my blog was a good way for people to get to higher places, and this obviously proves it. What insightful article was it that could have elicited such a response ?? Why, Spanish government departments, executive agencies and non-departmental public bodies with rss feeds of course. Truly uplifting.

I’d like to thank Eve for her comment on a recent post who summed up the experience of reading my blog when she said:  “Your writing allowed me to open my subconscious self, as I’ve been in¬clined to suppress my physical desires in the presence of others. I always thought I, visit this site.”  

Indeed. Who amongst you can say that reading my blog hasn’t allowed you to open your subconscious self? It was one of my original goals when starting this site. I’m glad it is now starting to work its magic.  Although I’m not sure I buy the line about supressing physical desires - that’s not what the serpent told me.

SUB: LATE SIR. JOHN PAUL GETTY’S WILL

I wish to notify you that the late Sir John. Paul Getty Jr. made you one of the beneficiaries to his WILL. You are entitiled to 11% of his total funds of GBP88,260,443.00.

For more information, contact me at: charlesrussell.law@gala.net

Yours in services,

Barr. Charles Russell

Charles Russell LLP

Do you think this is THE (since they like using capital letters for effect) Charles Russell? You know, the one who founded the firm back in 1891?

I got an email today telling me that I need to login to my online bank account and change my details to protect myself from fraud. Now, I’m not certain, but I think this might not have come from the bank …

We recently determined that various computers connect on your account Lloyds TSD, Password and of multiples checs taient present before connection. We now need assure you again information of your Lloyds TSD account. If this n’ d’ is not completed; here on October 19, 2008, we will be constrained to suspend your account indefinitely, Because it can have uses d’ fraudulent ends. We thank you for your comprehention in this manner. To confirm your online banking of the files, click on the following bond:

Thank you for your patience. Lloyds TSD service customers. S’ you like it do not answer has this e-mail because c’ is only one notification. Email to send has this address cannot be answered. 1999-2008 Lloyds TSD. All rights reserved

Note to all spammers/fraudsters: Learning how to spell the name of the bank you’re pretending to be might be a good place to start, as would spell check.