Informationoverlord

“Experts say Monday, January 19, 2009, will go down as the most depressing day in history.” reads the headline.

Now I had gotten up this morning feeling not too bad. I’d watched on the news about Obama’s latest party bash, and how everyone is looking forward to him becoming President of the US tomorrow; I’d checked to find that the DLR seemed to be running ok; and I had some podcasts downloaded onto the iPhone to listen to on the way back and from work. All was well with the world. And then …

I saw this headline, and it all changed. It is a good job we don’t have windows you can open in our building or I’d have had to fight my way past people to throw myself out of the nearest window. I even contemplated visiting someone else’s building that does have windows to give it a go. However, instead I choose to go outside in Canary Wharf, and licked my middle finger and held it up in the air; and I think I can say with all certainty that it is 7.6 on the Scott Vine finger depression scale [FDS] ™

Yes, I know, 7.6. You must remember what it was like when it was that 6.9 day back in October 2008? I know there are people still trying to recover from that one. Back then we didn’t even know which celebs where going into the Big Brother House - that’s how traumatic it was.

No wait, what’s that you say? Blue Monday sounds bollocks? [Don’t let any New Order fans here you say that] Hmm, you may have a point. Maybe we should look at who these ‘experts’ are: take a bow, Psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall, who devised a mathematical formula (though one that is not as good as my FDS one) that pinpoints today as Blue Monday. He says there are six depressive factors - winter weather, Christmas credit card bills, abandoned New Year’s resolutions, job security fears, mounting debt and the house price collapse.

Now, Dr Arnall is so clever that he realised that these factors will not have occurred to you yesterday - it was a Sunday after all: day of rest and all that. He also realised that by tomorrow you’ll be feeling just that little bit better about all this stuff, after having time to rationalise today. I am not worthy Dr Arnall. [ On a side note, could you let me know where you sign up to get gigs like this, as I feel that my FDS™ could have many uses]

Still, I’m sure the supporters of Everton football club (who play in Blue) will be hoping that it is indeed a ‘Blue’ monday when they play city rivals Liverpool this evening. maybe Dr Arnall is just a ‘Toffee’.

I don’t know about you, but all this politicking stuff is mighty tricky to understand. But I have read the interwebs and I now think I have mastered the US election thingie.

One side want to keep America as a republic - they are called the Republicans; the other side want to turn it into a democracy - they are called democrats (although, like most Americans, they can’t spell properly) To paraphrase Gandhi “I think it would be a very good idea” to try democracy, I hear it is working for Iraq, so could work in the US too.

The Republican’s are trying to elect a man called John McCain. As we all know he is most famous for inventing the oven chip. He was also captured by the Vietnamese during the Vietnam war, who wanted to discover the secret of his chips. Despite much torture, he refused to give up the secret recipe for just what made his chips/fries so good.

After the war he went into TV and started in the show Maverick - later remade as a film by Mel Gibson.

Today he is very old, but like me, he likes to sing beach boys songs.

The Republicans also want to elect Michael Palin as their Vice President. I think this is a super idea, as he actually knows where places are on a map, unlike the current president. He can say nuclear and pronounces place names correctly too. As in his Monty Python days he seems to have taken to dressing up in drag during interviews and debates - a bit un-nerving, but it is never a bad thing to get that all important cross-dressing vote. I think this is also an indication that he might swing both ways, which again will be very important for securing votes in the ’swing states’. Apparently, these are not states that have a big swing for people to play on, as I had first thought. No word yet, if Palin and John plan to resurrect the lumberjack song, but I do hope so.

The Democrats, on the other hand (I have big hands) want to elect an Irishman called O’bama. I think the Irish thing - whilst a vote winner - is a cover though. He is portrayed as a bit of a crusader, and whilst I have yet to hear of him wearing a cape, I think you’ll agree that there are clues to his real identity. Don’t be fooled by the middle name of Hussein, that is a red herring. However, it all becomes clearer when you look to his running mate: Joseph Robinette Biden. Yes, folks, Robin. Now who do you know that is a crusader who has a side kick called Robin? Yep, you’ve got it Ba(t)ma(n).

Not convinced? Well Commissioner Gorden was a cop for 15 years in Chicago, Illinois before leaving for Gotham. Where is Obama from? Chicago. It all fits.

So if that is true - and it is … is John McCain really someone else - The penguin, perhaps?, and his running mate, Poison Ivy ?

Update: (16th Oct) Seems others see the batman and robin connection too.